Tag Archives: divorce recovery

Journaling For Self Discovery

33 Ways to Use Your Journal for Self-Discovery and Self-Expression

As a therapist, I often suggest to clients that they explore their feelings and thoughts by keeping a journal. Sometimes clients ask for a bit of direction with this process. Here are some journaling ideas if you’re not sure where to start:

1.    Write down what happened today and how you felt about it.

2.    Write a letter to a person you are angry with. Say everything you are feeling and wish you had the nerve to say.

3.    Draw a picture of the person you wrote the letter to in #2.

4.    Make a list of all the things you are grateful for. List all the big things, all the small things, and everything in between that you can think of.

5.    Circle the three most important things on the list you made in #4. Write a paragraph for each, expressing your appreciation to the person who had the most influence over it. If possible, turn this into an actual letter and send it.

6.    Make a list of the things that you feel upset about right now. Write down as many as you can think of until you can’t think of any more. Then choose the top five.

7.    For each of the top five things you identified in #6, list 10 things you can do to gain control of the situation. Circle the top three from each list.

8.    Make a timeline that represents your life. Fill it in with the most significant events that have shaped you: your early years, your teen years, and each decade that has followed. Draw pictures or icons next to the most important events. Use crayons or markers if you wish.

9.    Write a few pages about your feelings about the timeline.

10.    Describe how your life would be different if _____ had or had not happened.

    Here are some examples:

a.     If your parents had divorced

b.     If your parents had remained married

c.     If your parents had been married

d.     If your mother hadn’t passed away

e.     If you hadn’t moved to

f.     If you had gone to college

g.     If you hadn’t gone to college

h.     If you had gone to      College

i.     If you had never met

j.     If you hadn’t broken up with

11.     Make a list of all the things you wish you could do before your life is over.

12.     Make a list of the things no one knows about you.

13.     Write about your junior year in high school.

14.     Write about what life was like before you became a parent.

15.     Write about what you wish you had known before you became a parent.

16.     Make a list of the things you still want to learn about being a parent.

17.     Describe what it was like when you first met your partner.

18.     Write about what you wish you had known about your partner before you married him/her.

19.     Write about what you wish your partner had known about you before (s)he married you.

20.     Write a letter to yourself as you were at age 10. Tell yourself:

a.     What your life is like now

b.     What you have learned since you were 10

c.     What you want him or her to know

d.     What you want him or her to beware of

e.     What you want him or her to enjoy every moment of

21.     Write a letter to your own parents. Tell them what your life is like now.

22.     Write a letter to someone from your childhood or adolescence who didn’t appreciate you or who misunderstood you. Tell the person what you want them to know and how you feel about the lack of connection between you.

23.     Think of someone you never acknowledged for something important. Write that person a letter and acknowledge him or her.

24.     Think of someone who never acknowledged you for something important. Write them a letter and tell them what you want them to know.

25.     Make a list of five miracles you want to happen in the coming year. Write a paragraph or two describing each one and how your life will be better if it happens.

26.     For each of the five miracles, make a list of:

a.     Five barriers or forces that block or prevent it from happening

b.     Five positive influences, things that encourage or support its happening

c.     Five things you can do to reduce the barriers and strengthen the positive influences

27.     Write about the five things you most like to do.

28.     Write about the five things you most dislike doing.

29.     Make a list of five places you’d like to visit. Describe what you imagine them to be like.

30.     Write about three things you most regret doing or not doing. Describe what happened and how you feel about it.

31.     Write a letter to your children, even if they have not yet been born. Tell them what you want them to know about you.

32.     Write a letter to your grandchildren, even if they have not yet been born. Tell them what you want them to know about you.

33.     Write a letter to your descendants one hundred years from now. Describe what your life is like today.

34.     Add your own ideas here:

Divorce Recovery Strategies

As a licensed mental health professional, I work with many individuals, couples, and families who are affected by divorce. I have developed this list of survival strategies for people who are experiencing divorce. If you or someone you love is in this situation, I hope these ideas will help you.

1.    Take your time as you adjust to your changed life circumstances. Recognize that you are going through a major life transition that cannot be rushed.

2.    Set up temporary arrangements to help you get through the changes involved in your divorce process.

3.    You will often feel frustrated. Avoid the temptation of acting for the sake of acting just because it gives you a temporary feeling of being in control.

4.    When you feel uncomfortable, slow down and identify what you are feeling and why.

5.    Don’t force any more changes on yourself than are necessary.

6.    Explore both the benefits and costs of your new life.

7.    Think about the future. In your journal, explore the question, “What is waiting to happen in my life now?”

8.    Remember to ask yourself, “What am I supposed to learn from this?”

9.    Protect yourself against the inevitable forgetfulness and absent-mindedness which many divorcing people report. Make a list of important account numbers, telephone numbers, and the like, and keep them in a safe place.

10.    Watch out for too many changes in your life as you recover from the divorce and the changes in your life circumstances. Change causes stress, and you have enough right now.

11.    Let people help you.

    If it’s impossible to reciprocate, say so.

    People know that your life isn’t like it used to be.

    Don’t let your inability to reciprocate prevent you from accepting what people willingly offer.

12.    Let go of your need for perfection. You will not survive emotionally unless you lower your expectations.

13.    Develop your ability to be flexible and find creative ways to solve problems.

14.    Learn to set priorities. Do the most important things first.

15.    Trust your gut feelings. Pay attention to your instincts and act on them.

16.    Simplify everything in your life. You cannot afford to keep it complicated.

17.    Find an outlet for your anger. If a friend is not available, look for a minister, rabbi, or professional counselor. If money is an issue, look for a therapist who will see you for a low fee.

18.    Teach yourself to let go of guilt. You don’t have time for it and it’s not necessary.

19.    Focus on issues you have control over. If something is beyond your control, don’t waste your emotions on it.

20.    Create a ceremony to acknowledge your divorce.

21.    Learn to be assertive. You can’t say yes to every request, whether it is from your family members or people in the community who want your time and resources. If you give it all away, you will have nothing left for yourself.

22.    Find ways to take care of your body. Get regular checkups and make time to exercise. You need rest now more than ever. Watch your alcohol intake.

23.    Find someone who will listen to you. Sometimes you have to ask, for example, “I need a sounding board right now. Can I have 15 minutes of your time?”

24.    Rent a sad movie and let yourself cry (when the kids aren’t around). Crying allows you to release the sadness that you are sure to feel.

25.    Do at least one fun thing for yourself every week.

26.    In your private journal, make a list of all the things you’re afraid of.

27.    In your private journal, make a list of all the things you worry about.

If you have children:

28.    Manage your own emotions so you will be able to help your child manage his or her struggle.

    Learn as much as you can about how children respond to divorce and life in a single-parent home.

    Do not expect your child to respond the same way you do.

    Take your child’s developmental stage into consideration when responding to his or her behavior.

29.    Make it okay for your children to talk to you about their feelings.

30.    Keep appropriate boundaries.

    Don’t give in to the temptation to let your child take care of you.

    Let your children be children.

    Avoid burdening them with your feelings and the facts of the divorce.

    Find another adult to be your sounding board.

31.    Even though you may be unable to be present as much as in the past, your children still need adult supervision. Look for ways for other adults to look in on your kids when they are home alone, even when they are teenagers.

32.    Just because your child appears to be handling his or her emotions well, don’t assume that he or she is okay. Some kids respond to divorce by becoming overly responsible or by closing down their emotions. They may need to hear, “Tell me how you’re feeling.”

33.    While it is important to listen and accept your children’s feelings, it is equally important to set limits on behavior.

34.    Keep a private journal where you express your feelings. Be sure to keep it in a private place where your children won’t find it. A journal provides a place to express anger, sadness, loneliness, and fear—all of those feelings you feel every day as a single parent.

35.    Remind yourself that recovering from divorce will take time. Your recovery will happen on its own schedule, and it will happen. You will get through this intact.

36.    Get together with other single-parent families. Sharing times with people facing similar issues can make you feel normal.