Category Archives: Financial Issues

What Makes You Procrastinate?

All of us procrastinate on occasion. For some people, it’s a chronic problem; for others, it’s only a problem in certain life areas. Procrastination is always frustrating because it results in wasted time, lost opportunities, disappointing work performance, and generally feeling bad about yourself.

When you procrastinate, you allow less important tasks to take up the time and space that should be devoted to more important things. You do things like hanging out with friends when you know that an important work project is due soon, or going shopping instead of doing your homework. It can also be evident in behavior such as talking about trivial things with your partner to avoid discussing important issues in your relationship.

Most people don’t have a problem finding time for things they want to do. But once they see a task as too difficult, painful, boring, or overwhelming, the procrastination behaviors begin. You are not alone if you have ever made any of the following excuses to yourself:

    1.    It’s too cold to exercise outside today. I’ll wait until tomorrow when it’s warmer.

    2.    I’ve got too many other things to do first.

    3.    I’ll do a better job when I can concentrate on this project.

    4.    I still have lots of time to get this done.

    5.    They don’t pay me enough to do a more complete job. This is good enough.

    6.    This problem is too hard to talk about. I wouldn’t know where to start.

    7.    I work better under pressure.

    8.    It’s too noisy to work while my teenager is at home.

    9.    I should get the shopping down now because the stores will be more crowded later.

    10.    I can eat this pie tonight, because I’m starting my diet tomorrow.

    11.    My tooth doesn’t really hurt that much. The pain will probably go away tomorrow.

Most of the time, these excuses seem fairly innocuous. However, they’re not as innocent as they seem, because they cause us to postpone important duties and projects. Ultimately, these excuses can keep us from accomplishing important goals and make us feel bad about ourselves.

Why People Procrastinate

If you were hoping for a simple answer to this puzzle, you will be disappointed to learn that there are many reasons why people put things off. Here are a few of the most common (check those that apply to you):

   Avoiding discomfort. Wanting to avoid pain makes lots of people shift into procrastination mode. However, the longer we delay, the worse the uncomfortable problem usually becomes. The rash gets bigger, the tooth hurts more, or the brakes squeak even more loudly.

   Perfectionism. Those who believe they must produce the perfect report may obsess about uncovering every last information source and then write draft after draft. Their search for the perfect product takes up so much time that they miss their deadline.

   Laziness. Sometimes people delay tasks that involve fairly slight inconvenience or minor discomfort.

    Thinking you’re not good enough. Some people are certain that they are incompetent. They think that they will fail, and procrastinate to avoid ever putting their skills to the test.

    Self-doubt. If you second-guess yourself, you probably suffer from procrastination. You may avoid new challenges and opportunities unless you are certain that you will succeed. Perhaps you make feeble attempts to begin a project, and you tell yourself that you could do a better job if you put in more effort.

   Workaholism. At the other end of the spectrum, many people who work excessively also fall into this category. They drive themselves ruthlessly, fearing that if they stop working, they will not be able to start again. Most self-doubters are driven by the belief that they must meet strict standards in order to see themselves as successful.

Physics Review

Remember the concept of inertia: a mass at rest tends to stay at rest.

For some reason, it is more difficult for most humans to start change than to keep it going.

Why Don’t We Just Say No?

Since procrastination produces mostly negative outcomes, why don’t we just change our behavior and eliminate these undesirable consequences? The reason for this is that procrastination reinforces itself. For some reason, it is more difficult for most humans to start change than to keep it going. We avoid getting started by cleverly diverting our attention from the things we really should be doing. We do something else instead or make up a story about how we will accomplish the task in the future-when we are inspired, or when we have completed a preliminary step, or some other trick.

Although recognizing how these diversions work won’t automatically cure your procrastination, being aware of it is a good place to start working on the problem. Once you are aware of the ways that you procrastinate, you can start to change your behavior. In my next newsletter, I’ll offer some tips to help you get started. Until then, begin the change process by thinking about which causes apply to you and writing down examples of these behaviors as you observe them.

Take Charge of Your Life

It is important to have goals because they are good for your physical and mental health. You can have goals for all areas of your life. Here are a few ideas:

Career    Learning

Clubs    Money

Community    Politics

Contribution    Professional

Emotional    Reading

Family    Relationships

Health    Service

Home    Spiritual

Interests    Travel

What Makes an Effective Goal?

Not all goals are motivating. If a goal is too vague, hard to measure, or impossible to achieve, it will lack effectiveness and ultimately be a wasted exercise. Goal statements should be:

    Stated with action verbs

    Specific

    Measurable

    Challenging

    Written down, with completion dates

Effective goals have all five ingredients.

The 80/20 Rule

The 80/20 Rule (also known as Pareto’s Principle) says that 20% of what we do produces 80% of the results. Here are a few examples:

    20% of the area in your house requires 80% of the cleaning.

    20% of the stocks in an investor’s portfolio produce 80% of the results.

    20% of the kids in a class cause 80% of the problems.

    20% of the books in a bookstore account for 80% of the sales.

You can probably think of a few examples of your own. Note them here:

It’s important to remind yourself not to get bogged down on low-value activities, but to stay focused on the high-value 20%.

High-Payoff Planning

High-payoff (HIPO) time is the 20% that produces the desired results. Low-payoff (LOPO) time is the 80% that produces only 20% of the results. The challenge is to find the HIPO tasks and work on those first.

The HIPO strategies:

    Setting a deadline increases the chances that you will accomplish a task.

    Setting a specific time to do something increases the chances that you will accomplish it.

    Divide and conquer: Break a task into smaller pieces and it becomes easier to complete.

    Motivate yourself by listing the benefits of completing a task.

    Motivate yourself in another way by rewarding yourself for completing a task.

The LOPO strategies:

    Don’t do it at all.

    Do it later.

    Do it with minimum time investment or at a lower standard.

Think of your own life. Can you identify five high-payoff and five low-payoff targets and the activities that contribute directly to each?

Identifying and writing down these items increases the chances that they will be accomplished.

Force Field Analysis

For every goal that you set, there are conditions (forces) that encourage its completion. There are also conditions that discourage its completion.

The Force Field Analysis process helps you identify two kinds of forces: (1) the forces that are pushing with you as you work toward your goal (encouraging forces), and (2) the forces that are pushing against you (discouraging forces).

The process of force field analysis (developed by scientist Kurt Lewin) is based on a law of physics that says that when two equal but opposite forces push against one another, there is no movement.

Why is this important to a person working toward a goal? Because a similar dynamic can prevent you from achieving your goal.

The idea here is to avoid paralysis and encourage momentum by increasing positive (encouraging) forces and decreasing negative (discouraging) forces. For example:

Goal: Run in a marathon in 2002.

Discouraging forces:

    I haven’t exercised regularly for the past five years.

    I tend to start projects and then get bored quickly.

    I live in the Midwest and weather can be a problem.

Encouraging forces:

    I am in good health.

    My neighbor is a runner and has encouraged me to take up the sport.

    My family thinks this is a good idea.

After identifying as many encouraging as discouraging forces, you can map a strategy to build on your strengths-the forces in your favor-and reduce the barriers.

I encourage you to choose a goal of your own and make a list of the encouraging and discouraging forces. This will help you develop an action plan and increase your chances of success.

Your Action Plan

Once you have identified the forces that both favor and discourage the achievement of your goal, it’s time to make an action plan. Here is an example:

Force: I haven’t exercised regularly for the past five years.

Actions I can take:

1.    Start slowly.

2.    Map out a plan where I start with a 20-minute walk this Saturday morning.

3.    Buy a running magazine.

4.    Visit a few running web sites.

5.    Straighten up the room where my exercise bike has been serving as a clothes rack. Clear away the junk and move a TV in to encourage me to use the bike every other morning.

Who can help me:

1.    My neighbor, the runner.

2.    My family members will encourage me. I well tell them that I need this.

3.    The woman in the next cubicle started an exercise program last year.

Now it’s your turn. Just fill in the blanks.

Force:

Actions I can take:

1.

2.

3.

4.

Who can help me:

1.

2.

3.

4.

Divorce Recovery Strategies

As a licensed mental health professional, I work with many individuals, couples, and families who are affected by divorce. I have developed this list of survival strategies for people who are experiencing divorce. If you or someone you love is in this situation, I hope these ideas will help you.

1.    Take your time as you adjust to your changed life circumstances. Recognize that you are going through a major life transition that cannot be rushed.

2.    Set up temporary arrangements to help you get through the changes involved in your divorce process.

3.    You will often feel frustrated. Avoid the temptation of acting for the sake of acting just because it gives you a temporary feeling of being in control.

4.    When you feel uncomfortable, slow down and identify what you are feeling and why.

5.    Don’t force any more changes on yourself than are necessary.

6.    Explore both the benefits and costs of your new life.

7.    Think about the future. In your journal, explore the question, “What is waiting to happen in my life now?”

8.    Remember to ask yourself, “What am I supposed to learn from this?”

9.    Protect yourself against the inevitable forgetfulness and absent-mindedness which many divorcing people report. Make a list of important account numbers, telephone numbers, and the like, and keep them in a safe place.

10.    Watch out for too many changes in your life as you recover from the divorce and the changes in your life circumstances. Change causes stress, and you have enough right now.

11.    Let people help you.

    If it’s impossible to reciprocate, say so.

    People know that your life isn’t like it used to be.

    Don’t let your inability to reciprocate prevent you from accepting what people willingly offer.

12.    Let go of your need for perfection. You will not survive emotionally unless you lower your expectations.

13.    Develop your ability to be flexible and find creative ways to solve problems.

14.    Learn to set priorities. Do the most important things first.

15.    Trust your gut feelings. Pay attention to your instincts and act on them.

16.    Simplify everything in your life. You cannot afford to keep it complicated.

17.    Find an outlet for your anger. If a friend is not available, look for a minister, rabbi, or professional counselor. If money is an issue, look for a therapist who will see you for a low fee.

18.    Teach yourself to let go of guilt. You don’t have time for it and it’s not necessary.

19.    Focus on issues you have control over. If something is beyond your control, don’t waste your emotions on it.

20.    Create a ceremony to acknowledge your divorce.

21.    Learn to be assertive. You can’t say yes to every request, whether it is from your family members or people in the community who want your time and resources. If you give it all away, you will have nothing left for yourself.

22.    Find ways to take care of your body. Get regular checkups and make time to exercise. You need rest now more than ever. Watch your alcohol intake.

23.    Find someone who will listen to you. Sometimes you have to ask, for example, “I need a sounding board right now. Can I have 15 minutes of your time?”

24.    Rent a sad movie and let yourself cry (when the kids aren’t around). Crying allows you to release the sadness that you are sure to feel.

25.    Do at least one fun thing for yourself every week.

26.    In your private journal, make a list of all the things you’re afraid of.

27.    In your private journal, make a list of all the things you worry about.

If you have children:

28.    Manage your own emotions so you will be able to help your child manage his or her struggle.

    Learn as much as you can about how children respond to divorce and life in a single-parent home.

    Do not expect your child to respond the same way you do.

    Take your child’s developmental stage into consideration when responding to his or her behavior.

29.    Make it okay for your children to talk to you about their feelings.

30.    Keep appropriate boundaries.

    Don’t give in to the temptation to let your child take care of you.

    Let your children be children.

    Avoid burdening them with your feelings and the facts of the divorce.

    Find another adult to be your sounding board.

31.    Even though you may be unable to be present as much as in the past, your children still need adult supervision. Look for ways for other adults to look in on your kids when they are home alone, even when they are teenagers.

32.    Just because your child appears to be handling his or her emotions well, don’t assume that he or she is okay. Some kids respond to divorce by becoming overly responsible or by closing down their emotions. They may need to hear, “Tell me how you’re feeling.”

33.    While it is important to listen and accept your children’s feelings, it is equally important to set limits on behavior.

34.    Keep a private journal where you express your feelings. Be sure to keep it in a private place where your children won’t find it. A journal provides a place to express anger, sadness, loneliness, and fear—all of those feelings you feel every day as a single parent.

35.    Remind yourself that recovering from divorce will take time. Your recovery will happen on its own schedule, and it will happen. You will get through this intact.

36.    Get together with other single-parent families. Sharing times with people facing similar issues can make you feel normal.

How to Balance Work and Family Life

What Is Your Definition of Success?

If you want to create balance in your life, it is important to know how you define success. The following list is a place to start. Cross off those that don’t seem important to you and add your own. Next, identify which of the items on your list are the most essential to your success definition and which items present the greatest challenge to you.

1.    Being able to move on when a situation is no longer productive or positive

2.    Being satisfied with your work situation

3.    Enjoying the present, not putting off the good things until some time in the future

4.    Expressing your creativity

5.    Fulfilling your potential

6.    Holding yourself with esteem separately from your work

7.    Being authentic

8.    Identifying your values and basing your choices on them

9.    Managing your money well

10.    Not feeling envious of others

11.    Paying attention to your spiritual life

12.    Spending time in fun ways away from your workplace

13.    Spending time with people you cherish and enjoy

14.    Taking good care of yourself

15.    Understanding when to fight for something and when to give in

What would you add? Which items present the greatest challenge to you?

The 80/20 Rule

The 80/20 Rule, also known as the Pareto Principle, says that 20% of what we do produces 80% of the results. Some examples of this principle are:

    20% of the people sell 80% of the widgets.

    20% of the salespeople earn 80% of the commission.

    20% of the parts in your car cause 80% of the breakdowns.

    20% of the members of an organization do 80% of the work.

The 80/20 principle can help anyone create balance in their life. Here’s how:

1.    Identify the times when you are most happy and productive (i.e., the 20% that produces the 80%) and increase them as much as possible.

2.    Identify the times when you are least happy and productive (i.e., the 80% that produces the 20%), and reduce them as much as possible.

Your Seven Habits of Success

You have probably heard of Stephen Covey’s Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. As you create balance in your life, think about your own list of success habits. What seven things would lead to more happiness in your life if you did them every day? Here are some ideas to get you started:

1.    Do something you love doing for at least part of the day.

2.    Get some physical exercise.

3.    Get some mental exercise.

4.    Stimulate yourself artistically.

5.    Stimulate yourself spiritually.

6.    Do something for someone else.

7.    Do something just for fun.

8.    Acknowledge yourself for something you said or did.

What ideas would you add?

Dealing with Workaholism

What if a person needs more than just self-help in dealing with a lack of balance in work and family life? An organization called Workaholics Anonymous can help.

Workaholics Anonymous is a 12-step recovery program similar to Alcoholics Anonymous. It is a “fellowship of individuals who share their experience, strength, and hope with each other that they may solve their common problem and help others recover from workaholism. The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop working compulsively.”

How Do You Know if You Are a Workaholic?

Ask yourself these questions if you think you might be a workaholic:

1.    Are you more comfortable talking about work than anything else?

2.    Do you become impatient with people who do things besides work?

3.    Do you believe that more money will solve the other problems in your life?

4.    Do you get irritated when people ask you to stop working and do something else?

5.    Do you get more energized about your work than about anything else, including your personal relationships?

6.    Do you look for ways to turn your hobbies into money-making endeavors?

7.    Do you often worry about the future, even when work is going well?

8.    Do you take on extra work because you are concerned that it won’t otherwise get done?

9.    Do you take work home with you? Do you work on days off? Do you work while you are on vacation?

10.    Do you think about your work while driving, falling asleep, or when others are talking?

11.    Do you think that if you don’t work hard you will lose your job or be considered a failure?

12.    Do you work more than 40 hours in a typical week?

13.    Do you work or read while you are eating?

14.    Have your long hours hurt your family or other relationships?

Single-Parent Survival Skills

Emotional Overload

Many single parents say they deal with a variety of emotional issues that you might describe as “extra baggage.” Some examples include:

    Self-pity

    Depression

    Guilt

    Anger

    Envy

    Fear

    Severe money problems

    Loneliness and isolation

    Frustration

    Exhaustion

These issues present such a challenge because they undermine your daily functioning and emotional well-being. But they can be managed successfully so that you manage your family in a positive way.

10 Ways to Speed Your Recovery Process

Becoming divorced or widowed and then facing years of single parenting is a shock to anyone who experiences it. You will need to take steps to recover and heal. Here are some suggestions:

1.    Some community based programs, Online groups, churches, synagogues, counseling centers, and therapists offer free and low-cost divorce recovery workshops and grief support groups. Look for them in the newspaper and Yellow Pages. If you don’t see any listed, call a few places that may be able to refer you.

2.    Look for local peer support groups and networks.

3.    If you have access to the Internet, search for support services in your area.

4.    Also on the Internet, look for chat rooms or bulletin boards where single parents post messages and share ideas.

5.    Find library books for kids about divorce and single-parent families, and read them together. Take the time to talk about how they relate to your situation and encourage your kids to talk about their feelings.

6.    Find a support group for children of divorce.

7.    Tell your children’s teachers and the school psychologist that you are a single-parent family. Let them know that you welcome feedback and suggestions on coping with your circumstances.

8.    When you are ready, investigate groups like Parents Without Partners for single adults. You need to be with other adults who have similar interests.

9.    Learn to help your kids talk about what is happening to them.

10.    Learn conflict resolution and problem-solving skills.

Single-Parent Survival Strategies

In addition to recovering from the loss of a partner, you will need to take action to survive and thrive in the coming years. The following strategies provide a starting place.

1.    Watch out for too many changes in your life as you recover from both the loss of your spouse and the resulting changes in your life circumstances. Change causes stress, and you have enough right now.

2.    Realize and accept that you must get help with your single-parenting responsibilities. It is unrealistic to think that you can do it alone.

3.    Manage your own emotions so you will be able to help your child manage his or her struggle. Learn as much as you can about how children respond to divorce, the death of a parent, or life in a single-parent home. Do not expect your child to respond the same way you do. Take your child’s developmental stage into consideration when responding to his or her behavior.

4.    Give your children permission to talk to you about their feelings.

5.    Keep appropriate boundaries.

    Don’t give in to the temptation to let your child take care of you.

    Let your children be children.

    Avoid burdening them with your feelings and the facts of the divorce or death of your spouse.

    Find another adult to be your sounding board.

6.    Let people help you.

    If it is impossible to reciprocate, say so.

    People know that your life isn’t like it used to be.

    Don’t let your inability to reciprocate prevent you from accepting what people willingly offer.

7.    Let go of your need for perfection. You will have much more stress if you don’t lower your expectations.

8.    Even though you are unable to be present as much as in the past, your children still need adult supervision. Look for ways for other adults to look in on your kids when they are home alone, even when they are teenagers.

9.    Just because your child appears to be handling his or her emotions well, don’t assume that he or she is okay. Some kids respond to parent loss by becoming overly responsible or by closing down their emotions. They may need to hear, “Tell me how you’re feeling.”

10.    While it is important to listen and accept your children’s feelings, it is equally important to set limits on behavior.

11.    Cultivate your ability to be flexible and find creative ways to solve problems.

12.    Learn to set priorities. Do the most important things first.

13.    Trust your gut feelings. Pay attention to your instincts and act on them.

14.    Simplify as many things as possible in your life. You cannot afford to keep it complicated.

15.    Find an outlet for your anger. If a friend is not available, look for a minister, rabbi, or professional counselor. If money is an issue, look for a therapist who will see you for a low fee.

16.    Teach yourself to let go of guilt. You don’t have time for it, and it’s not necessary.

17.    Focus on issues you have control over. If something is beyond your control, don’t waste your emotions on it.

18.    Create a ritual to mark the change in your circumstances. This could be a funeral for your spouse or a ceremony to acknowledge your divorce.

19.    Keep a private journal in which you express your feelings. Be sure to keep it in a private place where your children won’t find it. A journal provides a place to express anger, sadness, loneliness, and fear—all of those feelings you feel every day as a single parent.

20.    Remind yourself that recovering from divorce or the death of a spouse will take time. Your recovery will happen on its own schedule, and it will happen. You will get through this intact.

21.    Learn to be assertive. You can’t say yes to every request, whether it is from your family members or people in the community who want your time and resources. If you give it all away, you will have nothing left for yourself.

22.    Find ways to take care of your body. Get regular checkups and make time to exercise. You need rest now more than ever. Watch your alcohol intake.

23.    Find someone who will listen to you. Sometimes you have to ask, for example, “I need a sounding board right now. Can I have 15 minutes of your time?”

24.    Rent a sad movie and let yourself cry (when the kids aren’t around). Crying allows you to release the sadness that you are sure to feel.

25.    Do at least one fun thing for yourself every week.

26.    In your private journal, make a list of all the things you’re afraid of.

27.    In your private journal, make a list of all the things you worry about.

28.    Get together with other single-parent families. Sharing times with people facing similar issues can make you feel normal.