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Predicting Divorce
Learn to Have Healthy Relationships & Manage Stress
Learn to Have Healthy Relationships.
This subject could fill an entire book. In the limited space of this newsletter, let’s look at the key components of this stress-reducing strategy.
1. Identify the sources of stress in your relationships. Write about them in a journal. Make a list of people who cause you stress and explore what the issues are.
2. Resolve the underlying issues. For each of the situations identified in step 1, assess what needs to happen to resolve it. Make a list and design a plan to improve the situation.
3. Learn skills to improve relationships. Relationship skills are learned. We are not born knowing how to get along well with others, and most of us learned only limited skills from our parents. Identify the skills you need to develop, and make a plan for yourself. You can learn these skills by reading books, taking classes, or working with a therapist.
4. Avoid toxic people and situations. Some people have a toxic effect on you. If you can, limit the amount of time you spend with them. Look for opportunities to decline their invitations. When these people are family members, remind yourself that you don’t have to feel guilty about avoiding anyone who makes you feel bad about yourself. In work situations, look for ways to rearrange your schedule or your workspace to avoid interacting with such people.
5. Seek out positive people and situations. This step is the reverse of the previous step. Look for opportunities to spend more time with people and in situations that make you feel good. Think about people who make you feel good about yourself and look for ways to increase time with them.
6. Watch what you eat. Some substances amplify the stress response. These include:
· Caffeine stimulates the release of stress hormones. This increases heart rate, blood pressure, and oxygen to the heart. Ongoing exposure to caffeine can harm the tissue of the heart.
· Refined sugar and processed flour are depleted of needed vitamins. In times of stress, certain vitamins help the body maintain the nervous and endocrine systems.
· Too much salt can lead to excessive fluid retention. This can lead to nervous tension and higher blood pressure. Stress often adds to the problem by causing increased blood pressure.
· Smoking not only causes disease and shortens life, it leads to increased heart rate, blood pressure, and respiration.
· Alcohol robs the body of nutrition that it might otherwise use for cell growth and repair. It also harms the liver and adds empty calories to the body.
During times of high stress, eat more complex carbohydrates (fruits, vegetables, whole breads, cereals, and beans).
7. Get moving. The human body was designed to be physically active. However, in most jobs today, people are sitting down most of the time. They hardly move at all except when it is time for coffee break or lunch. When faced with stressors, we respond with our minds, not our bodies. It is no wonder that many of us have a difficult time responding to stressful events.
Exercise is one of the simplest and most effective ways to respond to stress. Activity provides a natural release for the body during its fight-or-flight state of arousal. After exercising, the body returns to its normal state of equilibrium, and one feels relaxed and refreshed.
8. Look for ways to let go of tension and anxiety. Meditation, hypnosis, and progressive relaxation are valuable ways to regenerate and refresh yourself. You can purchase meditation and relaxation audiotapes or record your own. This is especially important because your health and long life depend on minimizing stress and achieving a sense of balance and well-being.
Journaling for Self-Discovery
33 Ways to Use Your Journal for Self-Discovery and Self-Expression
As a therapist, I often suggest to clients that they explore their feelings and thoughts by keeping a journal. Sometimes clients ask for a bit of direction with this process. Here are some journaling ideas if you’re not sure where to start:
1. Write down what happened today and how you felt about it.
2. Write a letter to a person you are angry with. Say everything you are feeling and wish you had the nerve to say.
3. Draw a picture of the person you wrote the letter to in #2.
4. Make a list of all the things you are grateful for. List all the big things, all the small things, and everything in between that you can think of.
5. Circle the three most important things on the list you made in #4. Write a paragraph for each, expressing your appreciation to the person who had the most influence over it. If possible, turn this into an actual letter and send it.
6. Make a list of the things that you feel upset about right now. Write down as many as you can think of until you can’t think of any more. Then choose the top five.
7. For each of the top five things you identified in #6, list 10 things you can do to gain control of the situation. Circle the top three from each list.
8. Make a timeline that represents your life. Fill it in with the most significant events that have shaped you: your early years, your teen years, and each decade that has followed. Draw pictures or icons next to the most important events. Use crayons or markers if you wish.
9. Write a few pages about your feelings about the timeline.
10. Describe how your life would be different if had or had not happened.
Here are some examples:
a. If your parents had divorced
b. If your parents had remained married
c. If your parents had been married
d. If your mother hadn’t passed away
e. If you hadn’t moved to
f. If you had gone to college
g. If you hadn’t gone to college
h. If you had gone to College
i. If you had never met
j. If you hadn’t broken up with
11. Make a list of all the things you wish you could do before your life is over.
12. Make a list of the things no one knows about you.
13. Write about your junior year in high school.
14. Write about what life was like before you became a parent.
15. Write about what you wish you had known before you became a parent.
16. Make a list of the things you still want to learn about being a parent.
17. Describe what it was like when you first met your partner.
18. Write about what you wish you had known about your partner before you married him/her.
19. Write about what you wish your partner had known about you before (s)he married you.
20. Write a letter to yourself as you were at age 10. Tell yourself:
a. What your life is like now
b. What you have learned since you were 10
c. What you want him or her to know
d. What you want him or her to beware of
e. What you want him or her to enjoy every moment of
21. Write a letter to your own parents. Tell them what your life is like now.
22. Write a letter to someone from your childhood or adolescence who didn’t appreciate you or who misunderstood you. Tell the person what you want them to know and how you feel about the lack of connection between you.
23. Think of someone you never acknowledged for something important. Write that person a letter and acknowledge him or her.
24. Think of someone who never acknowledged you for something important. Write them a letter and tell them what you want them to know.
25. Make a list of five miracles you want to happen in the coming year. Write a paragraph or two describing each one and how your life will be better if it happens.
26. For each of the five miracles, make a list of:
a. Five barriers or forces that block or prevent it from happening
b. Five positive influences, things that encourage or support its happening
c. Five things you can do to reduce the barriers and strengthen the positive influences
27. Write about the five things you most like to do.
28. Write about the five things you most dislike doing.
29. Make a list of five places you’d like to visit. Describe what you imagine them to be like.
30. Write about three things you most regret doing or not doing. Describe what happened and how you feel about it.
31. Write a letter to your children, even if they have not yet been born. Tell them what you want them to know about you.
32. Write a letter to your grandchildren, even if they have not yet been born. Tell them what you want them to know about you.
33. Write a letter to your descendants one hundred years from now. Describe what your life is like today.
34. Add your own ideas here:
3 Types of Paleo Granola
Apple Pie Granola
Apple Pie Granola with Coconut Flakes
(Follow above directions and add coconut flakes on top before baking)
Butt Rub Granola
Use dry ingredients above.
1/2 stick of Grass Fed Butter from cows not treated with growth hormone rbst.
Add BBQ sauce, Apple sauce, Honey, and Maple Syrup.
Crush 6 Nature Box 3 Kung Pao and 3 Honey Dijon Pretzels and sprinkle on the top.
Bake as directed above.
Healthy Pizza Bites Low Carb
Use zucchini instead of dough.
Cut into 1/4 inch slices.
Later greased cookie sheet.
Add pizza sauce and basil.
Top with cheese.
Bake 350 until golden brown on top.
Enjoy.
40 Life Truths. From My Heart http://findingjoy.net
40 Life Truths. From my heart.(Courtesy of http://findingjoy.net/40-life-truths-i-learned-being-40/#.Vs3HClIa29o)
1. Happiness is a choice. Don’t waste time not finding it.
2. Joy is also a choice. It is, however, not the same as happiness.
3. Tell those you love you love them every single day.
4. Do not go to bed angry.
5. Fight for your heart.
6. Friends love you for you.
7. True friends are there to extend a hand and pick you up when you fall.
8. Your personal agenda should never cloud your ability to love another.
9. Deal with the past, let yourself feel, learn from it and then let it go.
10. Always be friends with the baristas. They have great power over your day.
11. Hold hands with your kids as much as you can.
12. Don’t trade sleep. Invest in a good pillow too.
13. Speak your dreams out loud to someone who will hold you accountable.
14. Hold the door open for others.
15. Fear is just fear. Don’t let it define you.
16. Do one thing every day that scares you. (Eleanor Roosevelt)
17. Real life is a bit uncomfortable but exhilarating.
18. Be thankful for normal, boring, slow and just okay days.
19. Always set three alarms on days that you fly. Or the kids have school. So, duh, most days.
20. A handwritten note is always worth the time.
21. Less stuff equals much freedom.
22. Don’t let fear of money keep you from letting go of things.
23. When one is real and shares their heart it gives space for others to be real.
lovepopopencards
24. Comparison will rob you from joy, happiness and motivation.
25. Aging happens. Wrinkles show up. Real beauty is internal.
26. Surround yourself with people who love you.
27. No is a powerful word. Use it carefully. And don’t be afraid of saying yes.
28. Forgiveness is even more powerful.
29. There is no such thing as perfection. Don’t chase it. Just be you.
30. Turn your phone off when you are at the table or out with friends.
31. Not every moment needs to have a picture with it.
32. Your integrity, your word, your character matters. Don’t trade that ever.
33. Show up for those you love. At the door, in their lives – don’t let social likes remove humanity.
34. Let yourself laugh. Oh my, this, let yourself laugh.
35. Don’t let your feelings dictate your response.
36. However, don’t hide from your feelings. They are a gateway to your heart.
37. Not everyone will like you. That’s okay.
38. There is no guilt in taking care of you – and in cultivating your dreams.
39. It is okay to ask for help. And beautiful to give.
40. Labels don’t define. Numbers don’t either. And it’s never ever to late to really live.
So live.
http://findingjoy.net/40-life-truths-i-learned-being-40/#.Vs3HClIa29o
Don’t Give Unsolicited Advice
Peter Gray warns us not to give unsolicited advice. Here’s why:
Congratulations On Taking The First Step!
Welcome to South Tampa Marriage Therapy! Feel free to browse around, use self help resources, email me at ElizabethMahaney@msn.com or call me at (813)240-3237
Sister Site: www.SouthTampaTherapy.com